i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
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If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
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The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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