I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
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I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
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I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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