Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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