I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
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you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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