You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
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Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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