I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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