I'm pants shitting drunk right now
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
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It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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