I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize