JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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