I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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