wanna go halves on a baby?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize