so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
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WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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