he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
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I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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