I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
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I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
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That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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