Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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