no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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