I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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