Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize