i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize