Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get me chipped asap
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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