Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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