Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize