I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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