Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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