Old men and throwing up are my life now.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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