Your dad touched me again.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize