I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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