matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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