I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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