last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize