batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
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I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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