I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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