Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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