i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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