girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize