My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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