i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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