why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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