she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
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At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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