Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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