you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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