You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize