friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
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There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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