i'm signing you up for texting rehab
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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