Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize