just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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