So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
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Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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