i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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