I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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