She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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