Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
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Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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